xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
