just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
