so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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