Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
