He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
