My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
