thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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