I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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