It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
