she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
