well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
