My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
