then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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