You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
