The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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