I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
