I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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