FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
