We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
