My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
