I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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