I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
