i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
