I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
