i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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