when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
