the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
