Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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