dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
