you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
