My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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