I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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