I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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