Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
