So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
