cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
