I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
