Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
