i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
