We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
