my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
