There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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