I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I did not marry a roomba.
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