Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
