wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
