just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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