Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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