you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
