I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
