I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
