Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
