Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
