Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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